Road to Gamescom

This isn't so much a review of a game, as it is a review of an event. Yes, dear reader, I happened to have had the pleasure of attending Activision's Road to Gamescom 2014. As such I will regale you with tales of intrigue, betrayal, redemption and ultimately what games I played while I was there.

Here's a hint.

The road to gamescom started bright and early, 5:45 early to be precise. It was an overcast day with the sky spitting at you every so often and daring you to fight it. Now, this may shock you to discover, but I am not actually a big deal. I know, it's a shock to your poor hearts. This bus, however, had some internet folks on that are well known, at least in perfidious Albion. I shan't name any names because gentleman don't kiss and tell. Not that i'm a gentleman. Not that I kissed any of them. Not that you couldn't find out with 30 seconds of googling. The journey itself was long and slow but did include a wonderful game of eye spy which lasted many hours to which one fine young man insisted on inquiring quite loudly if the answer was "bus" regardless of the letter. It also included a fable swag bag. Something mere mortals only dare dream about. Free stuff with no catch.

It was like finding the holy grail. Only useful.

After arriving at our wonderful hotel and getting a good, though not quite as long as I would have liked, night's rest we commenced with the merriment. The first day was spent at a theme park, which was wonderful. However, I'm not a fan of outside and I'm here to talk about the recluse's hobby of video gaming. So, that night we were invited to the Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare Multiplayer reveal. Now, I haven't bought a CoD game in a couple of years, not since Modern Warfare 3. I am one of those rare CoD fans, you see. I enjoy the campaign. I had considered buying this game for the campaign alone. I mean, the player character is voiced by Troy Baker. Reason enough, really. The multiplayer I've never really felt in sync with. Maybe it was the pacing, or the ineptitude in fine tuning load outs, or perhaps it was just because I suck at CoD multiplayer. So, getting invited to play this game was a little odd. 

Now, we had some drinks and some food at this event, before the show which was livestreamed across the globe. The real fun, however, started after that. Once Glen Schofield and Michael Condry had finished their playful banter I got to go hands on with the game. Now, one of the major features in AW is the new exo-suit, which allows you to double jump and dash. This speeds up the gameplay considerably. Everyone is constantly moving, jumping, boosting and I like it. We were given access to four game modes and four maps in a set playlist. Map 1 always corresponded to game mode A and so forth. They had clearly chosen these four maps for those game modes as they were optimal. I don't want to see optimal, I want to see adaptable. Now, the game modes were fun and the maps were exciting. I enjoyed biolab and they're vats of toxic gas which could be used to kill players. I liked Riot, it had a cool layout and I think it would make a good map for their new game mode uplink. The defender map, meanwhile, set in San Francisco was the weakest of the four in my opinion. The layout was good, multiple paths. It had a good mix of open air and enclosed space but it just didn't flow right for me. Perhaps that was only because of the game mode I played there not utilising the map fully. Besides this, it is one of the maps with the gimmick of environment change midway through. At some point a so called tsunami will hit and put a small part of the map underwater. I never really noticed any difference as it was a section you never went to in uplink. They also made it clear that it always happens at a set moment. It's not a dynamic event triggered by players, or even randomly occurring at some point. No, it always happens at this moment.

No waiting to join a game here

Moving away from CoD and onto the next night which was, perhaps, my favourite night. It was a Microsoft event with drink and a bunch of games to demo. I also bumped into the team at Bevel studios who are making a fantastic puzzle game called pneuma: breath of life which will be coming to xbox one. It's a fun title, where you have to work out how to advance through rooms. The real charm, however, lies in it's narration. As a God you walk around marveling at your own creations, and you're a little too proud of yourself. It's funny, it's a game that goes against the silent protagonist, by having your character being the only one to talk and only to himself. 

As well as numerous indie games, I got the chance to play two of my most anticipated games this year. First and foremost I had a chance to play Far Cry 4. It was the same press demo I had seen gameplay footage of; the seizing of an outpost. You chose one of three starter loadouts and got to work. Unfortunately, the screen where you chose the loadouts was in German, and it wasn't until after I realised that's what it was. Having said that, by sheer luck I chose the loadout i wanted. Or maybe it was statistics as there were only three loadouts. At any rate, I started with a bow and a silenced sniper rifle. They didn't stand a chance. It felt very like far cry 3 in the best way possible. Sneaking up and stabbing people, scoping an area out and tagging enemies to keep track of them. It was great. During a second playthrough that was cut short i chose a different set of weapons and tried a frontal assault. I got injured a couple of times and each time was prompted to heal myself. They had the little actions like in FC3 though I didn't see Ajay digging a bullet out of his arm to heal himself. Which is good, because when you crash your car and dig a bullet from your arm to heal afterwards I worry about what you're on. I didn't get a chance to see FC4's crazy villain Pagan Min, but if he's anywhere close to Vaas then we're in for a good time.

And who voice him? Troy Baker, of course.

The other game I got more hands on time with, and probably the game I played most at gamescom besides Advanced Warfare was Sunset Overdrive. I had been excited about this game since the e3 trailer snippets of it last year. It's fun, it's goofy, it's bright. I got a chance to play a little bit of single player, where I got to skate around a theme park ride whilst shooting OD'd and crazed survivors. The weapons are wacky and it's reminiscent of the Dead Rising series in this way. Now, as far as I'm aware you don't craft weapons in this game, though I wouldn't mind if you did. But, unlike dead rising 3, you're never stationary in this game. You can jump, wallrun, then use a crowbar to cruise along a power line before jumping and grinding along a rail. You are always moving and you're rewarded for always moving. 

This aspect was especially noticeable when I played the co-op multiplayer. There were seven of us in a tower defense style game, protecting two vats of overcharge from the OD'd. You got points for killing OD'd with a multiplier for multi-kills and grinding whilst you perform your mayhem. While it is a team game and you are working together, you are also ranked individually at the end of each game. This competitive aspect of the co-op was reinforced at the Sunset Overdrive booth at Gamescom as they offered up a Sunset City hat to whichever player finished first during that game. Armed with a little experience of playing the game from the night before, and fueled by the desire for free stuff I valiantly launched myself into the game and attempted to kill everything before anyone else got the chance. Sadly, I was not skilled enough, nor fast enough, nor even well armed enough, to kill every OD'd before other members of my team got a shot at them. So, the race was on. Maybe there was a box on the screen that informed you how well you were doing, but I took no notice. I couldn't let anything distract me from my mission. I froze OD'd a half dozen at a time. I sliced clean through them with well placed records and harpoon shots. I blew them up with explosive teddy bears and fireworks. And yes, my friends, I won that hat.

 Sunset Overdrive is an incredible game that I encourage you all to give a go. It is the anti-gears of war. Gears of war is a drab, serious cover-based shooter full of manly men and intense scenes. Sunset overdrive is all about bright colours, avoiding cover at all costs, not taking anything seriously and allowing you to look how you want to look. Now, I love the gears of war franchise, but it's refreshing to find a triple-A title that's so bright and fun and aimed at a more mature (or immature) audience.

So, that was my time at Gamescom. It was phenomenal and I hope I have the pleasure to go next year. I doubt if Activision will invite me back on their happy happy fun times battle bus, but if they do I won't say no.

Knew I should have packed the pink suit.

Dragon Age: Inquisiton

In a somewhat desperate move to stay ahead of the curve I've decided to review a game that isn't out yet. Not only is it not out yet, but I haven't played it. So hold onto your hats for wild speculation and horrifically untrue facts about my most anticipated game this year:

This a real game. It's a pigeon dating simulator.

So, Dragon Age: Inquisition is the third installment in the Dragon Age games where once again you step into the shoes of extremely important person whose name we can't remember. This role was shaken up slightly in DAII when it was only your forename they couldn't remember. It's good to see them going back to their roots. This game also sees the return of a few other notable things they dropped from DAII including multiple playable races. Which is RPG speak for species. As well as the standard fantasy races of racist humans, downtrodden elves good at archery, and mining dwarves for the first time you can play as a race of beings unique to the dragon age world: the Qunari. They are a race (read: species) of beings who tower over humans with skin the colour of stone and giant horns protruding from their head. Or dreadlocks, whichever.

Here we see a horny qunari inquisitor.

Speaking of horny! The game will, of course, feature bioware's signature romances. Now, if this is anything like other bioware games I've played what this means is there will be multiple partners you can potentially seduce and sex up, and I'll compulsively seduce the same one on multiple playthroughs. Tali, Merril, I'm looking at you. And I always will be. There is a new development in the romance department, however. For the first time in a Dragon Age game there will be romances who are solely homosexual. A great leap forward for equality! There will also be romances who have racial preferences. A great leap...wait, what? Boy, I sure hope they meant species that time. If there are romances who you can only romance if your skin is the right colour it might get a little awkward.

Shameful use of yellow-face to try and seduce someone.

A whole host of new tactical abilities are also in play for the new game. Including being able to set fire to enemy ships to prevent retreat, or throwing jars of bees at enemies. In order to have a sufficient supply of bees to cast at your enemies you actually have to set up one of your keeps as an apiary. The collection of different flowers from around Thedas also gives the bees different abilities as well as slightly altering the taste of the honey they produce. Honey in the game serves no real purpose, but does taste nice on toast. 

Now, one point of contention I have about the game is the return of a certain character. Namely the heartless witch/love of my life from Dragon Age: Origins that is Morrigan. Now, while many people weren't happy with how things ended in witch hunt, I was. I'd had a child with Morrigan, she then vanished, I found her and we voyaged into the unknown together. Perfect. Except, never mind because she's back and I'm not there. So, I guess she killed me or something? I'm guessing this is another one of those times where they decided to allow a choice then decide for you later on regardless of that choice. As was the case with Leliana who you can totally end up murdering in origins. It won't stop her from appearing in DA:I though. Who knows, maybe these things will be explained. Actually, I know. I'll let you in on a secret if you keep it under your hat.

The game series takes place in Tommy Westphall's head.

There is a lot to like about this game, even if it doesn't allow you to romance and date pigeons. Yet. As a bioware fan, and someone who prefers DA to ME I'll be buying this game day 1. Hopefully my review has persuaded you to give the game a try, or at least buy Hatoful Boyfriend on steam next month. I may consider writing a revised review having played the game, but then I'd be able to give an informed opinion and that's not what the internet is about.

As always all rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course.

South Park: The Stick of Truth

     If you thought I was sticking with the current generation of console I'm afraid you are mistaken. I mean, if a game is available on current and last-gen, I will buy current, but we are still in that awkward phase where games are being made exclusively for last-gen, and so here we are.

This warning should set you up for the review

     To begin, this game is without a shadow of a doubt the most faithfully recreated and perfectly transitioned IP that has come from any other medium. Does the game look like shit? Fuck yeah! It looks exactly like the shitty, signature, animation of the south park show. They didn't try 3D models and environments like they do with every simpsons and family guy game, it's just a good old fashioned 2.5D game and that's fine. It's great in fact, because it makes you feel like a part of the show. The whole game plays like one long episode of south park. 

Bigger, and longer than this but...

     That's not to say the game is perfect of course, because the only perfect game is Half-Life 3 and it will cease to be perfect the minute it's released, if that ever happens. Perfection only exists in the imagination and the second something is pulled from the imagination and forced into corporeal form it's going to have a problem or two. Having said that, my biggest criticism about the game isn't even the game makers' fault. It is the publisher's. South Park is famously offensive, it offends everyone for everything and thus promotes equality it's a strange show like that. Now, there is no one who doesn't know South Park isn't offensive, and yet Ubisoft felt the need to cut certain scenes from the European release of the game. They weren't forced to cut them by the ratings board, PEGI, in fact PEGI stated that it has never and will never demanded things be cut, it merely gives ratings based on the content there. South park passed through this and was given a rating, Ubisoft then cut these scenes and it had the same rating. The removal of this content served no purpose that I can see, save that it allowed Ubisoft to seel uncut versions of the game on their website for above retail. 

Yeah, Europe gets this. Score 1 for America

     On to the actual game, which I should talk about at some point or really what is the point. So, one of the first criticisms I had heard about this game is that you can't choose a female character to play as, which I considered odd for a game based on a show with such a diverse cast. Upon playing the game I did find out why you are unable to play as a girl though, and while I can see that people could still be upset, I also understand that it was a story based decision. Without getting into spoilers, part of the main storyline revolves around the fact that it's all the boys playing this game, while the girls are off in a "secret base" somewhere. Would it have really mattered if there was one girl there? Probably not, but that's how they decided to do it. 

The actual gameplay is your typical RPG stuff, fetch quests and killing enemies, made atypical by the humour people have come to expect from south park. For example, you choose a class (Warrior, Mage, Thief, or Jew) and each comes with its own special abilities, but they're just kids pretending. So, ice attacks are done with fire extinguishers and fire attacks are done with fire crackers. It's refreshingly stupid in the days of attempted gritty realism. 

why is Kenny a Princess? Why not?

     The game's combat is fun but repetitive. After a while you're just going to be spamming the same attacks over and over until you win. Although, I did experience occasions where all of my attacks would only do horribly reduced damage. Looking only informed me this was most likely due to the opponents armour ratings, however my ally suffered no such drastic weakening (I'm talking a drop from 8000, to 700) plus I play as Jew, which is by far my favourite class, which has an ability that slices an opponents armour rating in half and that did nothing to improve my combat damage. On the plus side, it's a game where I get to fight four hobos and use an attack called circum-scythe which leaves one injured and bleeding and the rest grossed out. So, you take the rough with the smooth.

Plus this is a thing

     Overall the game is tremendous fun and if you like south park you should definitely play it, even if you're not really a gamer because it's just so amazing to get to travel around the quiet mountain town and meet your favourite characters. If you don't like south park, however, I can't see this game changing your mind, or being worth playing for you. I could be wrong and maybe the interactivity of it will allow you to fall in love with the world of south park in a way the show never could. Either way I pray they make a sequel. Although, if they do I would like the town to grow. It was fun, but the map wasn't as large as I would like and even then not all buildings were accessible, but as I said it's not perfect. 

All rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course. 

Ryse

     So, I finally got another game for my xbox one. Well, I actually got two, but I haven't finished Assassin's creed IV: mouthful of a title yet. So, for now I'll talk about the game I definitely have finished: Ryse: son of Rome.

Starring this Adonis.

     Ignoring the obvious typo in the spelling of the title, which I would like to assure you by saying is never explained even remotely at any moment in the game, this was a game of low expectations. Launch titles have always been seen with a wary eye, because they're rushed to be done by a certain date. Couple that with the fact that the company making the game had a bucket-full of experience making FPS games and Jack amounts of shit experience with hack-and-slash, sword-and-sandal adventures and I wasn't expecting anything amazing. True to my expectation, nothing amazing is exactly what was delivered. However, that isn't to say the game isn't good.

     For a start, graphically speaking this game is far and away the most beautiful and advanced title currently available for the xbone. The cross-gen titles just couldn't match it graphically and remain cross-gen, and Dead Rising 3 places a greater focus on stupidly high amounts of AI at one time than graphics, which is fine and good and I'm glad they did. 

This is gameplay, not a cutscene. 

     Sadly, the reason they were able to reach this level of detail for the launch date is, I fear, because the game is magnificently short. The whole campaign takes roughly 6-8 hours to complete, and while there are multiple difficulties these seem to involve throwing more enemies at you rather than smarter enemies. The combat system reminds me of the rhythmic fighting of the Arkham series, only less polished. Incidentally the game would be vastly improved if you played as a Roman version of Batman.

Every game could be improved by featuring Batman.

     That rather neatly, or incredibly un-neatly and strenuously, brings me onto probably my biggest problem with the game: the storyline. When I saw the Damocles trailer I knew I had to get this game, that trailer was amazing and I wish we could've played the game in it's art style. It also told a good story, of the black centurion, a completely made up story. That is, it is not a Roman story they were using in the game, but one written by the writers as if it was a real Roman story. Because, this game acts as if it is set in the past by using real locations and historical characters. The trouble is, unlike Assassin's creed, they show no interest in being even close to what happened. An English invasion of Rome aided by war Elephants? I'm pretty sure I would've remembered that part of history class.

     In terms of the actual story, ignoring the historical elements, as the writers clearly did, it is very much every Roman movie you've seen mixed together. Which is to say it's mainly just gladiator. Family murdered? Check. At the order of the emperor? check. Become a Gladiator? check. Kill a man named Commodus who fights in gold armour and fights dirty because he knows he can't beat you fairly? Check. Well, that last one was ridiculously specific. I wouldn't even mind that it was a shameless rip-off if they'd done it well. I love the game Sleeping Dogs, it's like GTA set in Hong Kong and the plot is just ripped straight from the Hong Kong movie Infernal Affairs, remade in America as The Departed. The game unapologetically steals the plot of that film and I do not give a rat's ass because they do it so well. Ryse does not.

     One element of the story which would have added a touch of uniqueness to it was the supernatural element. I know what you're thinking. Supernatural, Swords-and-sandals, hack-and-slash? That's just God of War! And you're right, that would basically be God of War. The difference is that in this game you're a pawn of the Gods, you have no idea of their higher motives, no hope of standing against them and little notion of your part in any of it. I just wish there had been more of the Godly interactions, more of the subtlety that the God's exist, more of an idea of what they're doing, while still having them be ethereal and distant. There were two Gods in this game and it never even says which ones. I assumed they were Pluto and Juno, because Juno is the Goddess of Rome and Pluto is a bastard, but it's never made clear. Overall the story was pretty damned predictable, but short enough to not become boring. 

     A minor complaint is that most cutscenes are unskippable, which is fine for the first playthrough, but after that is just annoying. A major complaint is that the game is so linear and there is nothing to do besides "go here, stab people" a game like this would've benefited from a more well defined rpg system allowing you to upgrade weapons and shields and armour as well as speaking to people to do stuff for them. As it is the upgrades relate to new executions or better bonuses for doing executions.  

Ryse shows a crippling misunderstanding of how the Colosseum works

Multiplayer? Multiplayer! Yet another title which does not include couch co-op because fuck being able to play a game with a friend whose in the room with you. Who needs actual social interaction? Not you, no sir, you've got an xbox one. So, Ryse's multiplayer is a co-op Colosseum horde mode basically which is arbitrarily limited to two players. It's pretty fun and co-op executions are great. Holding a gladius to a dude's throat while your buddy stabs him is undeniably fun. However, despite having a number of levels to choose from, the actual number of environments the Colosseum cycles through is far below this, and the number of objectives beyond "stab everything until it stops allowing you to stab it" is pitiful. As such it does get quite boring rather quickly. That doesn't stop them from having an achievement for reaching rank 100, of course. Or for setting challenges for completing certain actions in multiplayer which give you nothing as a reward. It's a good start for a multiplayer but it loses any traction early on, with work it could be a lot better. It also suffers the same problem as the campaign of executions, which are quick time events, continuing on uninterrupted regardless of whether you press the right button or not. With the added bonus that an enemy available for co-op execution is marked differently to someone for regular execution with the result that double executions in co-op become needlessly hard to pull off or you enter into a co-op execution while your partner is too far away to join you in it before it ends. 

     It's a fun game, it truly is, but it's in desperate need of work. It was fun enough to play but it had it's problems. I sincerely hope crytek make a sequel, and without a console launch deadline to meet they'll improve vastly on this one and make a truly great game. More likely is that this will be one of the forgotten launch day titles that never gets a sequel, like perfect dark zero, and crytek will go pack to shooting games. cRYtek. Now I get why they called it Ryse. They like to have part of their name in their product. Gosh that's dumb and brilliant all at once. Now off you pop and play Ryse if you want a bit of fun and something different and have £50 to spare, or better yet go watch Infernal affairs. 

Seriously, watch it. It's awesome.

All rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course.

One console. One game. One week. Dead Rising 3

So, the xbox one has been out for a little over a week now, and I was lucky enough to get mine on launch day as well as my copy of Dead Rising 3. I was always going to get the xbox one over the PS4 because of personal preference, but still I feel that Dead Rising 3 is a strong title to have as exclusive. I feel it improved on the first games in many ways.

Adding a motorcycle steamroller with flamethrowers makes everything better.

I played dead rising one and while I enjoyed it to begin with I didn't stick with it for long because for me it made killing zombies boring. That is an impressive feat for a game, not a good feat sure, but damned impressive. Dead rising 2 improved on this with the addition of combo weapons, not that I know as I never played because of the time limit. Not everyone cared about that, but I like to explore a game; I hate being forced to rush past stuff. Thankfully in Dead Rising 3 there's the option to play without this timer, or to play "Nightmare mode" where it's more prevalent. That doesn't mean there's never timers. A lot of the side missions have to be completed within a set amount of time or they disappear, I assume. Similarly there is a countdown to the bombs dropping, but I took my time and that never expired for me.

What bombs?

So, first thing's first. This game is just fun. There are lots of combo weapons to allow you to kill zombies in whatever fun ways you want. For me the best weapons are: The laser sword because light sabers, the Z.A.R because it's a powerful gun that'll help you in psycho fights, and the Jazz hands because you get to be wolverine with guns, sadly you don't get that one until later on. There are just so many fun weapons though. So many that when I finished the game I had a kill count of 50 000. Now, most of that was with the Turret rig, one of the combo vehicles because you can get hundreds of zombies on screen at a time. Yes, literally. I can't even find a picture to show how many can appear at any one time, but it's so many they're packed wall to wall crammed together like crazed Americans hunting for a black friday deal.

In terms of storyline,  I can guarantee this game has one. Is it good? I guess, I mean I enjoyed the little twists and reveals and the pacing. The enemies don't really get harder, they either have more health or there are lots more of them it's well done. I did enjoy the plot, though I did get a bit of a sense of needless increase of the story. You know the type of thing. You have to go get X, but when you get back Y has now happened and needs fixing and then Z rears its ugly head and a slutty fascist is trying to kill/fuck you. 

You have to motorboat her to death?

There are also psycho missions, optional boss fights with crazed survivors who embody the seven deadly sins. It's a fun side mission, even if it is pretty much identical each time they are generally humourous. In fact, the game as a whole is just funny. It does a great job of combining gritty realism of a zombie apocalypse with the crazed, manic energy of a truly funny Monty Python sketch.

I have really only two major complaints with the game. The first is the achievement for completing all pp trials. Now, there's an achievement for killing 53,597 zombies, which I have. However, i do not have the pp trial for killing 53,597 zombies because you can't begin that challenge until you've first killed 10,000 zombies. Now, I hope that doesn't mean that when I complete that trial, there will be another for 72,000 and then for 100,004. Either way, annoying. A minor annoyance though.

My other problem was a strange glitch that triggered sometimes due to...something. It caused Nick to continually dodge roll. He wouldn't do anything else, and because he was always dodging he couldn't be hit so there was no way I could think to break out it besides just quitting the game.

It was precisely as annoying as this

Speaking about the Xbox one console for a moment, I have to say I really like it and it shows a lot of promise. The improved kinect voice command is great, though I wish it was integrated with the youtube app and some others. I only have the one game for it at the moment so I'm limited about what I can say about it as a gaming platform. I will say that I enjoy the new controller. And that the fact you have to download an app to watch blu-rays is fucking stupid. But, as soon as Bethesda announce that Fallout 4 is coming out next year i won't care. Watch dogs, Halo 5, Witcher 3, and Dragon Age: inquisition already make next year a very good year for games, but a new fallout game is overdue. 

Any day now.

To date, Fallout: New Vegas is the only RPG i've completed and only needed to hit something once. Yes, I want Fallout 4 so I can have Dave, the conscientious objector back to sell all guns everyone gives to him because he doesn't believe in carrying them.

Of course I made him a frowny hipster.

All rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course.

Batman: Arkham Origins.

So, I decided to review the biggest game of the year, and indeed all time: GTA V then I thought that's dull.

The review, not the game. the game is hilarious.

I became a bit stuck as to what game to review. I mean, I have been playing an awful lot of Animal crossing: New Leaf, but I don't know that I could write a review of that without spending most of it bitching about the characters I hate.

Frita is such a bitch.

Then, an idea struck. No matter the question, the answer is the same. Not 42. It's Batman! Yeah, Batman: Arkham Origins came out and despite being the first game in the Arkham series to no be made by Rockstar, instead being handled by Warner Bros Montreal it isn't half bad.

Now, not half bad isn't really a compliment. It's not an insult, but it's not a compliment. In terms of main storyline I have to say I love it. I heard a lot of griping about it being an 'origins' game, and then finding out you play as batman two years into his career I know many were wondering where the origin came in. That's simple: It's the Joker's origin. Now, it doesn't go in to detail, besides a brief glimpse that he used to be the red hood to how he became the Joker but that's good. The joker shouldn't have a definitive origin, it would ruin him. Instead he came into Batman's life fully formed and we get to see the origin of the most twisted love story in history. And it is a love story. The Joker is definitely in love here. 

Love aside, the story is well told and does well to explain Joker's fascination with The Bat. 

"I'd hit that. With a crowbar." - Joker

Storyline aside, the game is somewhat lacking. While the storyline is fun it isn't that long as storyline's go and there are no post-story missions like you got with Arkham city. The riddler collectibles make a return though, as if collecting them all once wasn't enough. The real problem with this game is that it feels so much like Arkham city. Sure, the map is twice as big and the team have done an amazing job of making the new parts feel like the same style as the old, but that's part of the problem. Walking these places in Arkham City was unique, it was a first and it all felt new, in Arkham Origins, even the new environments feels too familiar the first time around.

Now, my main problem with this game is probably a minor point, but this is the internet. Yelling about minor points that don't really matter is the national past time.

Anyone who thinks this is a game changer has more money than sense

My problem is the achievements. Now, I understand that an achievement by it's nature should require work, and that they're a reward for accomplishing something. I will also say that I don't actually care about achievements and am not an 'achievement hunter'. Having said that, 15G for completing a game is pathetic, you'll also only get 15G for collecting all riddler trophies. Both of these things will take hours by themselves but are worth basically nothing. Then again, achievements are worth nothing other than showing that you've wasted hours of your life for some numbers on a screen, so...they're good achievements, I guess.

Now, moving away from the single player campaign and onto the multiplayer. Arkham origins boasts a pretty unique multiplayer. It mixes up the standard 4v4 with 3v3v2. Bane's gang, Joker's gang, and Batman & Robin. You can opt in or out of the pool for the hero selection, which is good if you suck at playing as a hero. Like me. I assure you, playing as batman in the campaign in no way prepares you for multiplayer. It's like going from fighting storm troopers to fighting Rip Van Winkle. Anyone who doesn't get that clearly hasn't seen Star Wars or Hellsing. 

Playing as a gang member is fun and midway through the match there's a door you can activate to unleash the leader of your respective team. The first player from the first team to get to the door gets to play as either Bane or The Joker. They are super powerful and super fun. Sadly, they are not super friends.

There are some problems with the multiplayer of course. First, I found myself playing about 10 matches in a row, because it never gave me the option to not play the next game. I moved straight through and no matter what I did, I was unable to leave. Eventually, I had to just quit the game in the lobby. Now, I don't know about you, but that seems stupid to me.

The other problem with the multiplayer is: other people. Yeah, basically playing as the hero is great, but annoying. To demonstrate what I mean, I'll tell you what happened the first time I played as batman. I was being stealthy, looking down at my prey. Bane's gang had got to the door and called in Bane, so I made him my priority target. I followed him for a while, before dropping in behind him when he was alone and pressing Y to perform a silent takedown. At that moment a member of the Joker's gang came round a corner and shot me to death before I could complete the takedown. He could have let me complete it and thus have Bane's health lowered, but instead he decided to shoot me...and immediately get killed by Bane. Because of course fucking Bane killed him. He's Bane. And he has a rocket launcher.

"They'd rather shoot me then a steroid-taking lunatic trying to kill them"

So, there's that. Overall I'd say the game is a pretty good entry into the Arkham series. Certainly with hints of a next gen installment done again by Rockstar, it's a decent filler game to get your batman beatdown fix. And, if you're still not sure if you want to buy the game remember this: Troy Baker gives an incredible performance as the voice of the Joker.

Is there a game he isn't it? If there is, why isn't he in it?

I'm not obsessed. I'm just ahead of the curve.

All rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course.

At a glance: Saints Row IV

At the time of writing this I have currently spent 9 hours of my life playing Saints Row IV. Nine. I have an 18% completion rating because I'm not even doing missions right now. That's the beauty of saints row: there is so much to do that you forget about what you're meant to be doing and instead start running around faster than cars and beating people with a tentacle bat until you suddenly realise you've been playing the game for two hours straight and all you're doing is firing a dubstep gun at people while dressed as uncle sam.

None of that was hyperbole. None.

Saints row is what would have happened to the GTA franchise if it hadn't started taking itself so seriously after San Andreas. It's a game that knows people just want to have fun, they want to be able to do whatever and have whatever happen, but in a way that doesn't make them feel cheated. Saints row IV offers that. It lets you customise your character at any point in the game, kill ridiculous enemies with even more ridiculous guns, dress your character like han solo, or a creeper from Minecraft. It doesn't rush you through the game. You play at your pace and do what you want, how you want. However much fun this game is though, it's far from perfect. 

Everyone knows this is gaming perfection

It doesn't matter how much fun I have playing this game I still can't get one thing out of my mind: God damn I love Saints row the third. This game started as an expansion for Saints row the third and that is very, very noticeable. Seriously, it's the exact same graphics in the exact same city and it all just feels the same. If you made me play a section of this game, and that part of Saints Row the third when you drink saints flow then I can guarantee...that I'd be able to tell the difference, because Saints row IV has a slightly different, and noticeable, aesthetic to it. But still, they're really similar! I mean like the Olsen twins similar!

She has a twin sister?

Does that mean the game isn't worth buying? Not at all. If you didn't like Saints row the third then yeah, don't buy this; you'll hate it. But, if you did like SR3 then get this because although it is more of the same, you've got to remember that on the other hand it's MORE OF THE SAME! the storyline is insane and hilarious, and they've added enough content for dozens of hours of playtime, so even if it doesn't deserve the title of Saints row IV for being just an expansion, it definitely deserves your attention.

Much like Bree Olson

Shame on you for googling her.

All rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course.