One console. One game. One week. Dead Rising 3

So, the xbox one has been out for a little over a week now, and I was lucky enough to get mine on launch day as well as my copy of Dead Rising 3. I was always going to get the xbox one over the PS4 because of personal preference, but still I feel that Dead Rising 3 is a strong title to have as exclusive. I feel it improved on the first games in many ways.

Adding a motorcycle steamroller with flamethrowers makes everything better.

I played dead rising one and while I enjoyed it to begin with I didn't stick with it for long because for me it made killing zombies boring. That is an impressive feat for a game, not a good feat sure, but damned impressive. Dead rising 2 improved on this with the addition of combo weapons, not that I know as I never played because of the time limit. Not everyone cared about that, but I like to explore a game; I hate being forced to rush past stuff. Thankfully in Dead Rising 3 there's the option to play without this timer, or to play "Nightmare mode" where it's more prevalent. That doesn't mean there's never timers. A lot of the side missions have to be completed within a set amount of time or they disappear, I assume. Similarly there is a countdown to the bombs dropping, but I took my time and that never expired for me.

What bombs?

So, first thing's first. This game is just fun. There are lots of combo weapons to allow you to kill zombies in whatever fun ways you want. For me the best weapons are: The laser sword because light sabers, the Z.A.R because it's a powerful gun that'll help you in psycho fights, and the Jazz hands because you get to be wolverine with guns, sadly you don't get that one until later on. There are just so many fun weapons though. So many that when I finished the game I had a kill count of 50 000. Now, most of that was with the Turret rig, one of the combo vehicles because you can get hundreds of zombies on screen at a time. Yes, literally. I can't even find a picture to show how many can appear at any one time, but it's so many they're packed wall to wall crammed together like crazed Americans hunting for a black friday deal.

In terms of storyline,  I can guarantee this game has one. Is it good? I guess, I mean I enjoyed the little twists and reveals and the pacing. The enemies don't really get harder, they either have more health or there are lots more of them it's well done. I did enjoy the plot, though I did get a bit of a sense of needless increase of the story. You know the type of thing. You have to go get X, but when you get back Y has now happened and needs fixing and then Z rears its ugly head and a slutty fascist is trying to kill/fuck you. 

You have to motorboat her to death?

There are also psycho missions, optional boss fights with crazed survivors who embody the seven deadly sins. It's a fun side mission, even if it is pretty much identical each time they are generally humourous. In fact, the game as a whole is just funny. It does a great job of combining gritty realism of a zombie apocalypse with the crazed, manic energy of a truly funny Monty Python sketch.

I have really only two major complaints with the game. The first is the achievement for completing all pp trials. Now, there's an achievement for killing 53,597 zombies, which I have. However, i do not have the pp trial for killing 53,597 zombies because you can't begin that challenge until you've first killed 10,000 zombies. Now, I hope that doesn't mean that when I complete that trial, there will be another for 72,000 and then for 100,004. Either way, annoying. A minor annoyance though.

My other problem was a strange glitch that triggered sometimes due to...something. It caused Nick to continually dodge roll. He wouldn't do anything else, and because he was always dodging he couldn't be hit so there was no way I could think to break out it besides just quitting the game.

It was precisely as annoying as this

Speaking about the Xbox one console for a moment, I have to say I really like it and it shows a lot of promise. The improved kinect voice command is great, though I wish it was integrated with the youtube app and some others. I only have the one game for it at the moment so I'm limited about what I can say about it as a gaming platform. I will say that I enjoy the new controller. And that the fact you have to download an app to watch blu-rays is fucking stupid. But, as soon as Bethesda announce that Fallout 4 is coming out next year i won't care. Watch dogs, Halo 5, Witcher 3, and Dragon Age: inquisition already make next year a very good year for games, but a new fallout game is overdue. 

Any day now.

To date, Fallout: New Vegas is the only RPG i've completed and only needed to hit something once. Yes, I want Fallout 4 so I can have Dave, the conscientious objector back to sell all guns everyone gives to him because he doesn't believe in carrying them.

Of course I made him a frowny hipster.

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Batman: Arkham Origins.

So, I decided to review the biggest game of the year, and indeed all time: GTA V then I thought that's dull.

The review, not the game. the game is hilarious.

I became a bit stuck as to what game to review. I mean, I have been playing an awful lot of Animal crossing: New Leaf, but I don't know that I could write a review of that without spending most of it bitching about the characters I hate.

Frita is such a bitch.

Then, an idea struck. No matter the question, the answer is the same. Not 42. It's Batman! Yeah, Batman: Arkham Origins came out and despite being the first game in the Arkham series to no be made by Rockstar, instead being handled by Warner Bros Montreal it isn't half bad.

Now, not half bad isn't really a compliment. It's not an insult, but it's not a compliment. In terms of main storyline I have to say I love it. I heard a lot of griping about it being an 'origins' game, and then finding out you play as batman two years into his career I know many were wondering where the origin came in. That's simple: It's the Joker's origin. Now, it doesn't go in to detail, besides a brief glimpse that he used to be the red hood to how he became the Joker but that's good. The joker shouldn't have a definitive origin, it would ruin him. Instead he came into Batman's life fully formed and we get to see the origin of the most twisted love story in history. And it is a love story. The Joker is definitely in love here. 

Love aside, the story is well told and does well to explain Joker's fascination with The Bat. 

"I'd hit that. With a crowbar." - Joker

Storyline aside, the game is somewhat lacking. While the storyline is fun it isn't that long as storyline's go and there are no post-story missions like you got with Arkham city. The riddler collectibles make a return though, as if collecting them all once wasn't enough. The real problem with this game is that it feels so much like Arkham city. Sure, the map is twice as big and the team have done an amazing job of making the new parts feel like the same style as the old, but that's part of the problem. Walking these places in Arkham City was unique, it was a first and it all felt new, in Arkham Origins, even the new environments feels too familiar the first time around.

Now, my main problem with this game is probably a minor point, but this is the internet. Yelling about minor points that don't really matter is the national past time.

Anyone who thinks this is a game changer has more money than sense

My problem is the achievements. Now, I understand that an achievement by it's nature should require work, and that they're a reward for accomplishing something. I will also say that I don't actually care about achievements and am not an 'achievement hunter'. Having said that, 15G for completing a game is pathetic, you'll also only get 15G for collecting all riddler trophies. Both of these things will take hours by themselves but are worth basically nothing. Then again, achievements are worth nothing other than showing that you've wasted hours of your life for some numbers on a screen, so...they're good achievements, I guess.

Now, moving away from the single player campaign and onto the multiplayer. Arkham origins boasts a pretty unique multiplayer. It mixes up the standard 4v4 with 3v3v2. Bane's gang, Joker's gang, and Batman & Robin. You can opt in or out of the pool for the hero selection, which is good if you suck at playing as a hero. Like me. I assure you, playing as batman in the campaign in no way prepares you for multiplayer. It's like going from fighting storm troopers to fighting Rip Van Winkle. Anyone who doesn't get that clearly hasn't seen Star Wars or Hellsing. 

Playing as a gang member is fun and midway through the match there's a door you can activate to unleash the leader of your respective team. The first player from the first team to get to the door gets to play as either Bane or The Joker. They are super powerful and super fun. Sadly, they are not super friends.

There are some problems with the multiplayer of course. First, I found myself playing about 10 matches in a row, because it never gave me the option to not play the next game. I moved straight through and no matter what I did, I was unable to leave. Eventually, I had to just quit the game in the lobby. Now, I don't know about you, but that seems stupid to me.

The other problem with the multiplayer is: other people. Yeah, basically playing as the hero is great, but annoying. To demonstrate what I mean, I'll tell you what happened the first time I played as batman. I was being stealthy, looking down at my prey. Bane's gang had got to the door and called in Bane, so I made him my priority target. I followed him for a while, before dropping in behind him when he was alone and pressing Y to perform a silent takedown. At that moment a member of the Joker's gang came round a corner and shot me to death before I could complete the takedown. He could have let me complete it and thus have Bane's health lowered, but instead he decided to shoot me...and immediately get killed by Bane. Because of course fucking Bane killed him. He's Bane. And he has a rocket launcher.

"They'd rather shoot me then a steroid-taking lunatic trying to kill them"

So, there's that. Overall I'd say the game is a pretty good entry into the Arkham series. Certainly with hints of a next gen installment done again by Rockstar, it's a decent filler game to get your batman beatdown fix. And, if you're still not sure if you want to buy the game remember this: Troy Baker gives an incredible performance as the voice of the Joker.

Is there a game he isn't it? If there is, why isn't he in it?

I'm not obsessed. I'm just ahead of the curve.

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At a glance: Saints Row IV

At the time of writing this I have currently spent 9 hours of my life playing Saints Row IV. Nine. I have an 18% completion rating because I'm not even doing missions right now. That's the beauty of saints row: there is so much to do that you forget about what you're meant to be doing and instead start running around faster than cars and beating people with a tentacle bat until you suddenly realise you've been playing the game for two hours straight and all you're doing is firing a dubstep gun at people while dressed as uncle sam.

None of that was hyperbole. None.

Saints row is what would have happened to the GTA franchise if it hadn't started taking itself so seriously after San Andreas. It's a game that knows people just want to have fun, they want to be able to do whatever and have whatever happen, but in a way that doesn't make them feel cheated. Saints row IV offers that. It lets you customise your character at any point in the game, kill ridiculous enemies with even more ridiculous guns, dress your character like han solo, or a creeper from Minecraft. It doesn't rush you through the game. You play at your pace and do what you want, how you want. However much fun this game is though, it's far from perfect. 

Everyone knows this is gaming perfection

It doesn't matter how much fun I have playing this game I still can't get one thing out of my mind: God damn I love Saints row the third. This game started as an expansion for Saints row the third and that is very, very noticeable. Seriously, it's the exact same graphics in the exact same city and it all just feels the same. If you made me play a section of this game, and that part of Saints Row the third when you drink saints flow then I can guarantee...that I'd be able to tell the difference, because Saints row IV has a slightly different, and noticeable, aesthetic to it. But still, they're really similar! I mean like the Olsen twins similar!

She has a twin sister?

Does that mean the game isn't worth buying? Not at all. If you didn't like Saints row the third then yeah, don't buy this; you'll hate it. But, if you did like SR3 then get this because although it is more of the same, you've got to remember that on the other hand it's MORE OF THE SAME! the storyline is insane and hilarious, and they've added enough content for dozens of hours of playtime, so even if it doesn't deserve the title of Saints row IV for being just an expansion, it definitely deserves your attention.

Much like Bree Olson

Shame on you for googling her.

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Throwback Thursday: Beyond Good and Evil

For those of you not in the know, Beyond Good and Evil was a Ubisoft game from 2003 that did spectacularly badly, but was critically acclaimed. I didn't catch it during it's initial xbox release, but when a HD remake was released on the xbox live marketplace. Also, there may be some points related to the story here so if you haven't played it: Spoilers. Having said that, I will announce where the spoilers will be, so don't just stop reading.

 Plot-wise it's about a reporter who also likes to beat people up and her uncle who is a pig. Like, literally a pig and no one finds this the slightest bit improbable.

Spoiler, it is.

The game is, at its most basic, a Zelda clone. It's a third person action-adventure with puzzles and a main character with an unnatural predilection for green. It doesn't take a Zelda fanatic, which I most certainly am not, to see that playing spot the difference is inevitable. Having said that, the game can stand on its own and has something that The Legend of Zelda does not:

A health meter represented by hearts?

As a journalist you have the option to earn money in the game, which is used to purchase upgrades, by taking photographs of certain pieces of scenery or animal species in game. This small feature actually adds another fun little element to the game. Although, much like Bioshock this does get troublesome when you're trying to take photos of things trying to murder you all the way to death. Last time I checked taking a photo of something wasn't an effective way to kill it, unless you're fighting Dorian Grey, then I don't know, it might work.

Seen: a staff; not seen: a camera

In regards to plot it does sound quite like a dodgy sy-fy original movie. You play as Jade, a journalist/lighthouse keeper/orphanage owner, who despite her many jobs is still strapped for cash. It's set on the fictional world of Hillys, inhabited by Hillyans.

          

Hylian?

There are an alien race called the DomZ that are attacking and killing and abducting and basically doing all that stuff baddies do in video games. Luckily for Hillys the alpha section, a galactic army, have shown up to help! So, everything is sorted out and you just take pictures of shrubs for seven hours.

SPOILERS

Just kidding! You join a resistance movement and find out that the Alpha section are controlled by the DomZ and the war is just a distraction to help them kidnap people and turn them into DomZ. Seems like a bit of a roundabout route, but if it works it works. Then it turns out that you are actually  the power source for all the DomZ that was kidnapped centuries ago and are just in human form now because playing as a floating ball of energy is dull. Turns out they kidnap people to provide energy when they really just want you. See? And you thought it would be something crazy. 

SPOILER END

It was earth all along!..wrong spoiler

There are also a few boss fights which, in typical Zelda fashion come in stages and are all about recognising the pattern. The last boss though is not easy to beat when you start the fight with two hearts left and no food to heal. Yeah, it took me like a good hour to kill the final boss because none of my saves were far enough back to change anything. Whoops.

This asshole.

Speaking as someone who'd never played a Zelda game, but thought they'd be pretty cool this is a great title, especially if you don't own a nintendo console to play Zelda on. The racing  and photography segments combined with other mini games makes this a fun little title that has a cast of unique characters and funny moments. It's serious, but hard to take serious so it comes off as goofy fun. Much like a sy-fy original movie. 

I wouldn't be surprised if he was in the sequel.

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Bioshock Infinite

So, I finished Bioshock infinite and boy did I like it. I should warn you I am gonna talk about some plot points in the game that will spoil it if you haven't played, so, you know, spoilers.

First things first: I thought this was an amazing game. It's beautiful to look  at.

Seriously, look at it. It's incredible

It's a brilliant world and easily as engrossing as Rapture from Bioshock. Of course, Rapture's enclosed dark settings were meant to drive up the atmospheric horror and tension in the game. Tension, as it turns out, is not so easy to create when you've got wide open spaces and clear blue skies. As such it's hardly surprising that this game is not a survival horror like it's predecessor and more of a...huh. I suppose first person shooter would be the most accurate, but calling this an FPS would be on par with calling a song of ice and fire a fantasy novel. It's technically entirely accurate, but fails to do justice to the scope of the work. 

The actual fighting aspects of it are nothing special, and are certainly not top quality compared to the cavalcade of shooters out there, but that's not this is about. This game, and the bioshock series, is all about a philosophical point. Bioshock had the Atlas Shrugged business going on, this one has american exceptionalism and the racism that was inherent in that.

This is how the world sees America

And that's why this game is great and leaves an impact on people, rather than just being forgotten once you've finished it. Well, that and the fact that it turns out you're trying to kidnap your daughter from a crazy you from an alternate universe...wait, what? I can't be bothered to explain it because it just gets more confusing if you don't explain it right. So, instead if you haven't played it go out and play it and see what I mean

Also, look out for these two. They're the best.

So, this game is fun and sure it has it's drawbacks such as the most insane difficulty curve when it comes to enemies (Lady Comstock I'm look at you!) and definitely play it. 

Theory time!

It's like Adventure time, only with less adventure. Though it still could be mathematical! Anyways, through the game you're pursued by the Songbird: A large metal bird/man hybrid which protects Elizabeth. 

He's kind of a big deal

Through a voxophone you learn that he was created in a similar way to the big daddy's, by blending machine and man in an irreversible process. Now, it's never stated which unfortunate soul is turned into Elizabeth's jailer and truth be told it could just be some random dude, but I think it was in fact...Booker Dewitt. Yes, the hero himself. The reasoning is simple: Booker get's the key with the bird on one side and a cage on the other, later you choose a choker for Elizabeth with one of those two symbols on it. But, much like the heads and tails of a silver dollar, it's the same image from two perspectives. The bird is the cage. It never referred to Elizabeth, but instead to Booker. A man who is free only because he doesn't realise he is trapped. Forced to right his wrongs by fighting and killing and dying. 

But that was more of a digression. The main thrust of the argument is 3 points. 1. Death by water brought to you by Elizabeth. So, Comstock, Booker, and Songbird are all killed by being forced underwater; twice directly by Elizabeth and once while she looks on. 2. He stops you. He always stops you. Old Elizabeth explains how you never freed her because the songbird would always stop you. Now, this is flimsy, but still, he stops you because he is you. You can't think up a course of action that he can't anticipate. 3. The mark of the false prophet. In the game everyone on Columbia knows the false prophet by his mark, the letters "AD" carved into the back of his right hand. The thing is, how do they know it? When Comstock kidnapped Elizabeth Booker didn't have that mark. So, what? Comstock perved on an alternate version of himself? Or maybe, when Comstock found out he had to create Songbird he opened a tear to another world where Booker had given his child to another Comstock and kidnapped him. He sees the AD on his hand and knows that Booker will have that mark. 

His nose doesn't bleed when Songbird dies because the songbird Booker isn't native to that universe, and your Booker hasn't been to the universe he is native to, so there is no link in memories. Also, the idea of there being another comstock who kidnapped Elizabeth doesn't invalidate the game, as the ending showed there are lots of her. 

Wow, that was long and boring right? Wrong! That was so entertaining your mind couldn't handle it and you had to pretend it was boring. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I'd also like to say that since this game I now have an entirely heterosexual crush on Troy Baker, who also voiced Joel in The Last Of Us.

He's appearing next in your dreams

All rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course.