At a glance: Saints Row IV

At the time of writing this I have currently spent 9 hours of my life playing Saints Row IV. Nine. I have an 18% completion rating because I'm not even doing missions right now. That's the beauty of saints row: there is so much to do that you forget about what you're meant to be doing and instead start running around faster than cars and beating people with a tentacle bat until you suddenly realise you've been playing the game for two hours straight and all you're doing is firing a dubstep gun at people while dressed as uncle sam.

None of that was hyperbole. None.

Saints row is what would have happened to the GTA franchise if it hadn't started taking itself so seriously after San Andreas. It's a game that knows people just want to have fun, they want to be able to do whatever and have whatever happen, but in a way that doesn't make them feel cheated. Saints row IV offers that. It lets you customise your character at any point in the game, kill ridiculous enemies with even more ridiculous guns, dress your character like han solo, or a creeper from Minecraft. It doesn't rush you through the game. You play at your pace and do what you want, how you want. However much fun this game is though, it's far from perfect. 

Everyone knows this is gaming perfection

It doesn't matter how much fun I have playing this game I still can't get one thing out of my mind: God damn I love Saints row the third. This game started as an expansion for Saints row the third and that is very, very noticeable. Seriously, it's the exact same graphics in the exact same city and it all just feels the same. If you made me play a section of this game, and that part of Saints Row the third when you drink saints flow then I can guarantee...that I'd be able to tell the difference, because Saints row IV has a slightly different, and noticeable, aesthetic to it. But still, they're really similar! I mean like the Olsen twins similar!

She has a twin sister?

Does that mean the game isn't worth buying? Not at all. If you didn't like Saints row the third then yeah, don't buy this; you'll hate it. But, if you did like SR3 then get this because although it is more of the same, you've got to remember that on the other hand it's MORE OF THE SAME! the storyline is insane and hilarious, and they've added enough content for dozens of hours of playtime, so even if it doesn't deserve the title of Saints row IV for being just an expansion, it definitely deserves your attention.

Much like Bree Olson

Shame on you for googling her.

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Throwback Thursday: Beyond Good and Evil

For those of you not in the know, Beyond Good and Evil was a Ubisoft game from 2003 that did spectacularly badly, but was critically acclaimed. I didn't catch it during it's initial xbox release, but when a HD remake was released on the xbox live marketplace. Also, there may be some points related to the story here so if you haven't played it: Spoilers. Having said that, I will announce where the spoilers will be, so don't just stop reading.

 Plot-wise it's about a reporter who also likes to beat people up and her uncle who is a pig. Like, literally a pig and no one finds this the slightest bit improbable.

Spoiler, it is.

The game is, at its most basic, a Zelda clone. It's a third person action-adventure with puzzles and a main character with an unnatural predilection for green. It doesn't take a Zelda fanatic, which I most certainly am not, to see that playing spot the difference is inevitable. Having said that, the game can stand on its own and has something that The Legend of Zelda does not:

A health meter represented by hearts?

As a journalist you have the option to earn money in the game, which is used to purchase upgrades, by taking photographs of certain pieces of scenery or animal species in game. This small feature actually adds another fun little element to the game. Although, much like Bioshock this does get troublesome when you're trying to take photos of things trying to murder you all the way to death. Last time I checked taking a photo of something wasn't an effective way to kill it, unless you're fighting Dorian Grey, then I don't know, it might work.

Seen: a staff; not seen: a camera

In regards to plot it does sound quite like a dodgy sy-fy original movie. You play as Jade, a journalist/lighthouse keeper/orphanage owner, who despite her many jobs is still strapped for cash. It's set on the fictional world of Hillys, inhabited by Hillyans.

          

Hylian?

There are an alien race called the DomZ that are attacking and killing and abducting and basically doing all that stuff baddies do in video games. Luckily for Hillys the alpha section, a galactic army, have shown up to help! So, everything is sorted out and you just take pictures of shrubs for seven hours.

SPOILERS

Just kidding! You join a resistance movement and find out that the Alpha section are controlled by the DomZ and the war is just a distraction to help them kidnap people and turn them into DomZ. Seems like a bit of a roundabout route, but if it works it works. Then it turns out that you are actually  the power source for all the DomZ that was kidnapped centuries ago and are just in human form now because playing as a floating ball of energy is dull. Turns out they kidnap people to provide energy when they really just want you. See? And you thought it would be something crazy. 

SPOILER END

It was earth all along!..wrong spoiler

There are also a few boss fights which, in typical Zelda fashion come in stages and are all about recognising the pattern. The last boss though is not easy to beat when you start the fight with two hearts left and no food to heal. Yeah, it took me like a good hour to kill the final boss because none of my saves were far enough back to change anything. Whoops.

This asshole.

Speaking as someone who'd never played a Zelda game, but thought they'd be pretty cool this is a great title, especially if you don't own a nintendo console to play Zelda on. The racing  and photography segments combined with other mini games makes this a fun little title that has a cast of unique characters and funny moments. It's serious, but hard to take serious so it comes off as goofy fun. Much like a sy-fy original movie. 

I wouldn't be surprised if he was in the sequel.

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Bioshock Infinite

So, I finished Bioshock infinite and boy did I like it. I should warn you I am gonna talk about some plot points in the game that will spoil it if you haven't played, so, you know, spoilers.

First things first: I thought this was an amazing game. It's beautiful to look  at.

Seriously, look at it. It's incredible

It's a brilliant world and easily as engrossing as Rapture from Bioshock. Of course, Rapture's enclosed dark settings were meant to drive up the atmospheric horror and tension in the game. Tension, as it turns out, is not so easy to create when you've got wide open spaces and clear blue skies. As such it's hardly surprising that this game is not a survival horror like it's predecessor and more of a...huh. I suppose first person shooter would be the most accurate, but calling this an FPS would be on par with calling a song of ice and fire a fantasy novel. It's technically entirely accurate, but fails to do justice to the scope of the work. 

The actual fighting aspects of it are nothing special, and are certainly not top quality compared to the cavalcade of shooters out there, but that's not this is about. This game, and the bioshock series, is all about a philosophical point. Bioshock had the Atlas Shrugged business going on, this one has american exceptionalism and the racism that was inherent in that.

This is how the world sees America

And that's why this game is great and leaves an impact on people, rather than just being forgotten once you've finished it. Well, that and the fact that it turns out you're trying to kidnap your daughter from a crazy you from an alternate universe...wait, what? I can't be bothered to explain it because it just gets more confusing if you don't explain it right. So, instead if you haven't played it go out and play it and see what I mean

Also, look out for these two. They're the best.

So, this game is fun and sure it has it's drawbacks such as the most insane difficulty curve when it comes to enemies (Lady Comstock I'm look at you!) and definitely play it. 

Theory time!

It's like Adventure time, only with less adventure. Though it still could be mathematical! Anyways, through the game you're pursued by the Songbird: A large metal bird/man hybrid which protects Elizabeth. 

He's kind of a big deal

Through a voxophone you learn that he was created in a similar way to the big daddy's, by blending machine and man in an irreversible process. Now, it's never stated which unfortunate soul is turned into Elizabeth's jailer and truth be told it could just be some random dude, but I think it was in fact...Booker Dewitt. Yes, the hero himself. The reasoning is simple: Booker get's the key with the bird on one side and a cage on the other, later you choose a choker for Elizabeth with one of those two symbols on it. But, much like the heads and tails of a silver dollar, it's the same image from two perspectives. The bird is the cage. It never referred to Elizabeth, but instead to Booker. A man who is free only because he doesn't realise he is trapped. Forced to right his wrongs by fighting and killing and dying. 

But that was more of a digression. The main thrust of the argument is 3 points. 1. Death by water brought to you by Elizabeth. So, Comstock, Booker, and Songbird are all killed by being forced underwater; twice directly by Elizabeth and once while she looks on. 2. He stops you. He always stops you. Old Elizabeth explains how you never freed her because the songbird would always stop you. Now, this is flimsy, but still, he stops you because he is you. You can't think up a course of action that he can't anticipate. 3. The mark of the false prophet. In the game everyone on Columbia knows the false prophet by his mark, the letters "AD" carved into the back of his right hand. The thing is, how do they know it? When Comstock kidnapped Elizabeth Booker didn't have that mark. So, what? Comstock perved on an alternate version of himself? Or maybe, when Comstock found out he had to create Songbird he opened a tear to another world where Booker had given his child to another Comstock and kidnapped him. He sees the AD on his hand and knows that Booker will have that mark. 

His nose doesn't bleed when Songbird dies because the songbird Booker isn't native to that universe, and your Booker hasn't been to the universe he is native to, so there is no link in memories. Also, the idea of there being another comstock who kidnapped Elizabeth doesn't invalidate the game, as the ending showed there are lots of her. 

Wow, that was long and boring right? Wrong! That was so entertaining your mind couldn't handle it and you had to pretend it was boring. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I'd also like to say that since this game I now have an entirely heterosexual crush on Troy Baker, who also voiced Joel in The Last Of Us.

He's appearing next in your dreams

All rights retained by original posters of these images. Please right-click the image and open in a new tab to view website and if any of the pictures are yours and you would like them removed just drop me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige, provided you have proof of course.